Eat Cheese this Easer

There's a reason we socially conform. I know intuitively that much of what I do, I do to fit in. Or at least because I've never thought about behaving differently. Social conformity is what kept early humans tight as a group. If you weren't living - operating - as a member of your tribe, you might get kicked out. If you got kicked out you'd die. Being left out of the tribe, being an 'outsider' was... basically deadly. And so we developed a fear of it. We also got scared of heights and snakes somewhere along the way.

Of course this fear is not altogether bad, its good to belong! However, belonging - real belonging - happens at a deeper level than conforming. We can't earn belonging by getting drunk with our friends. We also can't dress up to belong. Its always deeper than these external actions. To define belonging well should involve an acceptance of others as they are, and being accepted as we are in a group. Anything less than this is more like pretending. Not belonging.

Being true to our authentic selves is a big conversation. A book even. But perhaps a good start is in the smaller, more tangible things.

We may have similar interests to our friends/family, but to change who we are - to act against our own wishes (in a jarring way)... We might end up losing something precious about ourselves. I mentioned getting drunk with friends to fit in. It might surprise you how many people come to realize they don't actually enjoy it . Many years ago I chatted to a guy (not in therapy of course) with a mohawk and tatts about all of this. He decided it was time to drop his guard a little and do more of the things he really loved. Even if it didn't look entirely macho. So he started breeding chooks. He loved chooks.

Being ourselves won't threaten our belonging, only our conforming. In fact, you may find that being authentic creates a deeper experience of belonging. Try it!

A friend of mine recently told me he's not looking forward to Easter. Because he doesn't like chocolate. Well its simple isn't it... he likes cheese. He's gonna have cheese instead. 
And I'm joining him.