Wearing Failure on our sleeve
Should we give participation awards to kids who come in last at a sporting event? Good question. In every human culture (that I can think of), indeed in the animal kingdom too, it's success that's favoured. And why shouldn't it be? Landing a job is better than getting rejected isn't it? Selling your potatoes is more profitable than not selling them. I sure was glad when the woman of my dreams said yes to me! Failure doesn't sound too glorious in any of these examples. Why reward it?
My own problem with participation awards is the name... Anyone can participate in something. Anyone can turn up. But let's face it, there's nothing special about merely participating. Imagine such a thing given in say, a wedding speech - "I'd like to honor the groom for participating in things: family life, uni and work..." Its almost an insult.
Unless of course there's risk - unless there's the real possibility of failing. I'm advocating the celebration of healthy failure. I'm arguing that the optimum culture for us to grow and to face our fears (be that ordinary fear or sub-clinical anxiety) is a culture that thrives on hard earned, frequent, glorious failure. If you're still not on board with the idea, here's a song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOyIJVUaoeg
I should clarify at this point, I often see clients who live with anxiety - such that they can struggle with simple things such as turning up to work, socialising, handing in assignments etc. For people living with such difficulties, to act in spite of the fear is all the more impressive and commendable. I wouldn't call it 'participating' in this instance. There's fear of failure.
Astro Teller (the manager of GoogleX - they're working on self-driving cars and things) says that when he's looking to take on new applicants, he wants people who will contribute to a culture in his team. Put simply, that culture is an atmosphere of sheer positivism towards the reality of failure. He wants his team to operate with every knowledge that a failed project will not mean a redundancy. He wants them to safely invest their heart and soul into innovation. To try new things. To fail. And they still get paid! Now that's what I call a good employer! In such an atmosphere, the employees not only participate, they can also fearlessly learn from every failure. They can grow. Such a distinction can't be understated. Failure is upheld as a benevolent teacher, not a dead end. With this mentality, now I can run to embrace failure in the hope of gaining wisdom - in the hope of winning!
In counselling, I sometimes explore what failure means to a person. It's fascinating how often we associate our failing at a task with our being a flawed person - a failure - a nobody etc. This is a cultural belief. It takes practice to untwist this idea. But untwist it we must! In fact, the very opposite is certainly the truth. To truly fail - the kind where a person deserves a medal - requires putting our heart into it. The more heart, the more glorious the failure. Succeeding and failing can never be the only measure of character. For instance, the Emperor Nero had a great deal of 'success' in his time. He won every Olympic event he entered into, even a chariot race he never finished. In itself, success is arbitrary. Funny that we place our identity so strongly in it!
Success. Failure. Both can be good things, or arbitrary at worst. However: learning, growing, building character, taking healthy risks - now these most certainly are good things! So let's not aim for the arbitrary end of succeeding for its own sake. Let's not avoid tasks we may fail at in case we fail. Rather, fearlessly confront failure face to face and say to it "show me what you've got".
